Motivational Monday Holiday Prep or How Not to Stress During the Holidays

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I am in awe of Black Friday.  It has never been my thing to get up at the crack of dawn, get dressed, drive with flyers in hand, and go to snag a deal.  You all seen the news:  fights and squabbles over basement bottom deals than any other time of the year seem too good to be true, yet we, as a western civilization do it every year.  I first noticed it when the Cabbage Patch Dolls first in 1982.  I wanted a Cabbage Patch Doll and begged my mom for one.  Then I watch the news.  Dolls were thrown like footballs, and women grabbing them left and right.  Some were sent to the hospital.  I finally got my doll, 6 months later.  My mom was not going in the dead of night to get a doll for me, but she and my dad promised that

I could have one.  The price was not the same, but I got my doll.

Nowadays, Black Fridays have been mostly about how to get television dirt cheap.  Computers, phones, and even the Amazon Echo Dots.  Some people have a whole ritual around Black Friday.  You do not have to stress like that.  Deals and cash backs are given every day, especially on sites like Ebates, Swagbucks, and Be Frugal. I will show you in my other blog, At Home with Tricia's Baskets.

Today, I want to talk about your mental health during the holidays.  Everyone knows that if you are not careful, the holidays can turn a happy time into a sad one, especially for those who lost loved ones before and during the year.  No one is expecting you to be cheery during this time.  They say the first year is the hardest, and it gets easier as the time goes along.  I miss my grandparents, and yes, I had a hard time of not receiving a gift from my grandmother in Alabama, who did not have to send presents to all of her grandchildren, but she did.  I miss how my grandfather was during the holidays.  As I got older, it seems easier to go on with life.  If you lost someone this year or cannot seem to go on with life after that lost from years past, talk to someone.  Also, find a person to connect to.  It may be a family member or friend, volunteer in a soup kitchen, help with a toy drive.  Find something, anyone that allows you to connect.  I am not an expert in grieving, but I have seen what it does for someone in need.

Now, let’s talk about your decorations and other things in the house.  I will talk more about it in part 3 on my At Home with Tricia's Baskets blog, but for the mental part, do not feel like you have to decorate to the nines.  If this is the way you have to decorate, that is fine.  I am not telling you how to decorate your home, but if you get to the point where it is stressful for you every year, slow down and take a pause.  Breathe, and ask yourself why are you doing this?  Maybe this is the year where you take a look at other people’s decorations.  Maybe this is the year where you get invited to enjoy family outside of your home. Maybe this is the year where you and your family give one present instead of 20.  Take a break from the annual Christmas party at your house.   

I am not saying do not decorate, give presents, or eat until you feel like a stuffed turkey. 2019 will be here, and if you are blessed to see a 2019 holiday, maybe plan in June what you are going to do for the holidays in December. Do not apologize either.  Everyone deserves and needs a break. 

Finally, let’s talk about planning.  I started a new Wednesday segment called journaling, and the holidays is the perfect time to start a little journaling.  This is what I call, Project Journaling. The holidays is a project, so why not do a planning journal on the experience.  This way, when it comes to planning next year, you can look back, so the same plans or tweak it a little.  The way I plan it I write out the even in Erin Condren life planner, then I get a journaling book (hardcover or soft, you can get one from Erin Condren or at DollarTree) and label it Holiday planning or something like that.  You can even jot down your feelings during this time.  When the holidays are over, express how you truly felt about the holidays, what you did right, and what you did wrong.  On what you did wrong part, do not beat yourself up about it, but talk about what you would have done differently and what you will do differently next year.  Not all holidays are perfect.

As I said in when I talked about grieving for a loved one, always make sure you put someone first, but also take care of yourself as well.  Destress with a bubble bath, a good book, devotions, or even volunteer.  There is always someone in need.  Give to a clothing drive, to declutter and make room for your new clothes, give away your old appliances to make room for the ones in the kitchen. Make your children part of this as well.  Any gently used toys could go in a toy drive.   Also, make plans for the new year as well.  It is always a good time to set some new goals.  Do not beat yourself up if you did not achieve the ones in 2018.  Incorporate them into 2019.

Have fun, but do not stress out.

Peace on Earth.

My heart is heavy but thankful

(c) 2016 Card and Photo by P.Lynne Designs

This week, I was hit with and reminded of losses.  Friday and Saturday have not come yet, but yet I am reminded of these things that are held so dear.

First, there was a loss of things….

Sunday night, after coming home from my parents, I discovered a small leak in my garage.  I live in a 4-unit condo (1 ranch, 2 townhomes (one of them is mine), and a loft unit.  If you have ever lived in an apartment (flat if you are from the European Union), you know that if something happens in the common areas (garage, outdoor space, etc.) it affects everyone in the building. 

Now this is how my mind works:  see a leak, panic, call parents.  End of story. Sunday’s was different.  I when I called to let them know I was safe at home, I went into, “I just wanted to let you know” mode.  OK, hours later, I am using the downstairs bathroom, and my left foot happened to touch something wet. This was 3 in the morning.  I picked up a skirt, which I thought I left over at my parent’s house, and it was dripping wet.  I went into, “I’m too tired for this, let me put this in the washer and deal with it when I wake up”.  The bathroom also doubles as a laundry room. I went to bed.

Hours of the incident, I turned on the washer and went about with my dressing for the day.  Suddenly during the spin cycle, I hear water rushing to the floor.  I panic but composed myself as I turned off the washer in mid-spin. Called the house and mom answered.  I told her to tell dad that water is all over bathroom/laundry floor and a plumber was needed ASAP!   I then pulled a “not so bright” move and decided to flush the toilet. (I can see some of you face palming right now, LOL).  Water went rushing everywhere, and I could not turn off the water valve to the toilet (remember, the washer is off by now.)  My mom and nephew came over to help me clean up. 

I had to use the upstairs bathroom until today, and that loss of using this luxury item (yes, a bathroom/laundry room is a luxury item), help me appreciate the two-bathroom system because the homeless have none.  The problem was solved by a plumber coming to help a red rag out to sea, but not before the hefty price was given, Ouch!

The second loss was having no printer to print business cards for an event I had a table at.  I make my own business cards.  It is much cheaper than going through a company by Vista Print or Staples when you are in a pinch, and believe me, I was in a pinch.  I have been meaning to order some cards all year but never got around to it.  I decided to print on 110 lb. paper.  I thought that the printer could handle it, and nope, the cardstock jammed on me.  OK, not to panic.  So, I cleared the jam, and the printer would not do a thing.  This was Monday evening.  Whenever something goes wrong in the computer department, I call my nephew, Mike.  So, I called him, and like most 20-somethings, he will get to me in the morning.  Well, it was too late for that.  Thank God I decided to print up two sheets on regular paper. So, I put everything in a folder to make a fast copy or two at Staples on my way to the event.  The problem is not really solved, because of a Polar Vortex that decided to blanket the city with snow and ice the next day, it was bad going through one of the busiest streets in the city.  There were only 15 people at the meeting, and I was just following up today.

So now it is early Friday morning, and I was reminded of several losses yesterday:

My friend, who is a teacher, was remembering the children and adults who died in the Sandy Hook school incident.  I cannot remember what I was doing that day, but I told her on Facebook, even though I am no longer a teacher (Pre-K for 3 years), and I do not have a child, I would throw myself in the line of fire, if a person dares to try and kill a child.  No child should ever be killed by anyone, but yet there are those persons who feel the need to kill anything and anyone.

Speaking of which, I was also reminded of the man, Mr. Roof (forgot his first name) was found guilty on 33 counts of murdering 9 people during a bible study at Emmanuel AME church in South Carolina.  He did it so he can restart hatred (racism) or segregation in South Carolina.  I guess he thought that it wrong for people of color to have so much freedom, to do what we need to do in order to live in this country.  The sentencing phase begins next month.

It does not matter what the loss is (material, loved one, or physical freedom), the point I am trying to make is having the ability to go on.  Now naturally, the loss of things (such as plumbing and the ability to complete

a task) is nothing compared to losing a loved one.

In both cases (the loss of innocent children and the 9 during a bible study class), the hurt becomes less and less as time moves on.  Eventually, a person would be able to smile when the gentleness of things reminds them of that person, but they have to get there first.  I am not an expert on grief and I am not claiming to be an expert, but the loss of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends have been less and less painful, as I moved on in my life, and I am greeted with little reminders, such as a song my mother’s mother used to sing.  I would find a tear fall from my eye, reflect, and move on.  It does not bring her back, but it also reminds me that she is in a better place than I am.

I think the hardest thing I had to do was to attend a baby’s funeral.  It was 2 years ago, and the baby only lived for a day.  It was a friend of our family’s baby.  It wasn’t a week before that time, in which I asked my mom what day we were going to the baby store to pick out a gift for the baby shower.  Things happened so fast.  The next hardest was attended a 6-year old’s funeral after he had been sick for a long time.  In both cases, I found myself questioning God and asked why these two.  The same when I attended another person’s funeral in her early 20’s.  I though during those trying times about, how God should have just left them alone and allow them to experience life to the fullest, but I had not considered other circumstances, such as the mother’s life (who was also in her 20’s), the 6-year old was in an accident when he was 3 months old, or that the young lady had cancer and was barely hanging on.  So, I turned them into teachable moments that I experienced. 

Yes, loss is hard, very hard on loved ones left behind, but it gets easier. In the case of the Sandy Hook, new gun laws have been on the books.  Teachers (including my friend) across the country are going through ALICE (Alert, Lockdown, Inform, Counter, Evacuate) Trainings, to make sure that every child is safe in the school they are assigned to attend.  There is nothing you can do about the shooter, because he killed himself that day.  It is important that everyone to know when a person is about to go off.  Know the signs, watch their behavior.

As for Mr. Roof, justice has been served, but there are people who are a magazine of bullets away from killing people in a church or elsewhere.  In the denomination that I belong to, The United Methodist Church, churches across the country have in place a program called Safe Sanctuaries.  In each church, there is a policy that tells members, potential members, guests, and their families that this is a church where they can feel safe, and there are rules in place in the event that something happens during a meeting or a worship service.  I am sure that there are similar policies in place in other churches.

Just remember that when you are going through loss, either of things or loved ones, you are not alone in this at all.