Wednesday, October 30, 2019

Please Talk Among Yourselves

Hello, today, I have another topic about trolling.  You know the word.  You are watching a video and make a mean remark about how the mother is dressed.  I am not talking about the self-talk you make
Candle Nestled Among Flowers
By Pegleess Barrios from Burst.
as you are watching the video (also called talking to the screen).  We have all done that. I am talking specifically about the trifling comment you added in the comments section.  Yes, that troll comment.
There are other forms of trolling and I have mentioned them before, but making rude and hateful comments on another site is becoming more common, and frankly, I do not like it.  Here is why.
YouTube or Bust.
I have mentioned that I watch videos on YouTube and I also make them.  Two of the families that I watch on a regular basis recently had comments that popped up on my Google news feed, and frankly, I did not like what was said about them.  I know what you are going to say, “Tricia, why do you care what is said on these YouTube channels?”  Well, I do care because these two families, who by the way, are friends with each other, and are Christian families, really care about their families.  I also know what some of you are about to say, “well, they asked for it, putting their lives out there for all to see”.  Well, yes, they do, and only God knows why they are making videos, but, I also believe that it is only in God’s plan that they do continue. 
The first family, an interracial couple, with a boy and girl, started vlogging before the boy was born.  The comment I read on Lipstick was things like: “why are they (the husband and wife) are so “Vegan” and “Micro” manage their diet while they feed their children crap food”.  By the way, crap, meaning McDonalds, pizza, Mac & Cheese, you name it.  My question to these people is why do you watch?  No, seriously, why do you watch the channel if you are going to criticize the family? I have seen the latest videos and the children are eating the same thing that the parents are eating.  Not only that, the mom did feed baby girl the same thing that she was eating for lunch.  They very seldom eat the “crappy” stuff, as this troll called it.
The second family, an African American husband and wife, with 3 boys and a girl, started vlogging when the oldest boy was a baby.  The comment I read on the same site was from 2013, and the comment was on the next oldest child’s hair, and why his hair was not cut.  This was during the time when the two oldest was born and she was pregnant with the youngest boy.  Baby girl was born last year and will be 1 next month.  Anyway, the comment was on things like, “is she hoping to have a girl so bad that she refuses to cut this child’s hair?  Again, my question is, why do you watch this channel?
I know as a vlogger myself, I am supposed to have “thick skin”, but my question is, why be so mean?  My mom gave me this insight when we were talking about my business the other day.  As business people, it is hard to talk about the business with family and friends, and here is what I believe is the answer to my question:  People are jealous.  They are jealous because:
·         You accomplished what they are trying to do. 
Many people say that they are going into business or start a vlogging channel or a blog, but cannot because of time, money, and/or the backlash from family and friends until they are afraid of starting. 
·         You are making a success out of the very thing they want to do.
These families are making a nice size chunk of change from vlogging. They are being savvy about the brand deals they are working with and who they are working with.  I will not mention some of the brands, but they are some of the ones I want to work with in the future, but it takes time to build a relationship with these brands.  Some YouTubers have been at it longer than me, but I cannot let that stop me from trying.
So, I did a little research into Lipstick….
Caution: I am using a little slang here.  I will explain myself along the way.
Three Women Discuss over Coffee and Laptops
By Sarah Pflug from Burst
So, I pulled up Lipstick, and this stuff is lit.  For those of you who do not know what “Lit” means, “lit” means it is hot, a trend, or popular.  If you are a black person, this is the place to be (although I have seen other topics on other races).  As a black person, I beg to differ.  I did not like what I read from these posts, and I would have to say that these people are mean, jealous, and have no life goals.  I mean, people, do you even work?  Are you so jealous of these families to the point of talking about how they dress, how they feel about their children, and so forth?  How would you like it if someone pointed out your stuff on social media?  You would not like it, huh?  You are lucky that these families do not care about your catty mouth.  They only care about what their “true” fans think.  I did not nor I will not sign up for this site.  On second thought, I should not have said that these people who frequent this site do not have life goals.  Everyone has life goals, and these life goals may not line up with mines and yours.  This might be a way for some people to unwind from the day, like a glass of wine and a good book, only they choose to gossip about people.  See, that was a form of trolling and I am sorry for having written that.
I am not that type of person who is here for the gossip.  God and my mother taught me better than that.  That does not mean I listen.  I have no choice.  I have chatty church members, social media is always chatty, and my family and friends are chatty.  The only difference is I try not to start something.  If it is something I do not want to hear (like the opinions of people I watch on YouTube) I walk away, turn it off, or mouth off, which is something I started to do to these people.  Good thing you have to sign up to give your .02 (two cents). I probably would have blasted out these catty women out of the water.
So what if I find myself in this situation?
If you find yourself in the situation of giving an opinion that is troll-like:
·         Go to the person who is the subject of the talk. 
You might want to give you an opportunity to air your difference to them. Now, it may be a little difficult if it is social media.  Sometimes, you do not know these people personally, you never met them in person, and you do not know their home life, except what they are willing to share. 
·         Do you know what is really going on in their life?
On my channel, my social media accounts, and on my blogs, there are a lot of things I personally do not share and do not want to share with the public.  Some of it has to do with the people in my family who do not want their life being put on blast, and some of it has to do with the situation I am in, and the public does not be on a “needs to know” basis.  Besides that, people are nosey, and people get jealous and want to see you fail at something.   
·         Commenting with mean, evil things does not help the situation. 
What does trolling do?  For one, it makes a person who is miserable, have no love for life, nor care about people feel better about themselves while making the person being trolled feel worse about themselves.  One of the worse trolling methods is when the troll tells the one being trolled to go kill themselves.  In that case, it becomes cyberbullying.  This is common in teens and young adults.  This must be stopped. 

What if you find yourself being trolled or cyberbullied?
·         First, you need to develop a thick skin. 
Yes, it is not easy to ignore the comments.  YouTube and other sites have a way for you to report the person doing the trolling, but you may not be in a position to do so.
·         If you cannot handle it, find someone who can. 
If you have a business, you can hire a virtual assistant to screen your accounts, especially comments.  In fact, virtual assistants are good for a lot of tasks, which is something I will tackle in a later post.  If you cannot afford to hires someone or if you do not have a business, get a friend to screen your social media account.
·         If it is cyberbullying, contact an authority, contact your local police, your company’s security, IT, or if you are a student, contact a teacher, principal, or guidance counselor, and most importantly, your parents.  These are your first responders, and they do not take lightly the threats, the trolling, and meaningful suggestions.  They know what to do, and how to contact the next person in this sort of situation to the right people.
Finally, do not take matters into your own hands.  You could end up losing your life over this.  If you have to, walk away from social media.  It is not that important that you have to document every detail of your life on social media.  In fact, this is the reason for me not sharing everything.  It is not that I do not want to because I love helping people, but sometimes, helping people can cost.  There are the judgments, the funny looks and stares, and the comments.  I always welcome comments if I am wrong on something, but when it comes to my life and my well-being, I have to decipher what is best for me and my life.  I will listen because introverts are good listeners, but then I have to choose from what I want or need versus what you are telling me.  We all make choices in life, and my comment to you today is:
Choose to be happy, and make the right choice in your life and the life of others.  You never know who you may touch the right way or the wrong way.”

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