May you please go away

I am looking forward to June.  June is not my month, but it is close to my month.  July IS my month.  This is the month where my parents welcome their firstborn child, ME.  I will talk about June and July in their prospective months.  In the meantime, I hate to do this, but it is reflection time.

May the pandemic

Photo by Pixabay.com

There is no doubt that May continued the lockdown.  It wasn’t until May 16^th that things started to open back up.  Was it too soon? Probably, people are just too glad to get out.  To wear a mask or not wear a mask in my opinion is a personal preference.  I prefer to wear one for safety since I have to go visit my parents, who are elderly and sickly.  I have mentioned that in several of my posts as of late, and I am not about to change that stance soon. 

Because of my stance, I have postponed my family’s trip to Disney.  I have mentioned in a previous post that the trip that was canceled in October 2019 for a totally different reason and will not be rescheduled until July 1, 2020, for the date of December 2021.  I have other reasons too, including that Walt Disney World will not accept reservations until July 1, 2020, so I have no choice.

I have stepped into two stores since the state of Ohio opened back up. It was yesterday.  I had to get an air filter from Lowes and water from Dollar tree.  My air conditioner needed the filer and I needed some water to put into my toilets.  Why?  Because my water was shut off due to an outside pipe bursting from the winter thaw.  It started leaking the Thursday before, and from where the sound was coming from, I thought that it was the next-door neighbor’s pipe.  I ignored it.  I was going to take something to my parent’s house when I found a note on my back door.  I grabbed the note and showed it to my dad, who tried to see over the next several days on how to get the outside pipe, which was not in my fence.  To make a long story short, the water was shut off.  I could not bath, wash clothes, wash the dishes (thank God for being able to hide dirty dishes in a dishwasher), and found out that my attic is attached to my neighbor’s attic and only separated by a divider. Got to love the designer for these buildings.

My water is now turned back on.  It is in moments like these that allow me to respect outhouses😅.  Tip:  if you have a Dollar Tree or any dollar store, getting water from there for $1 is wonderful.  You can get $10 worth and store them in case of emergencies.  When the emergency is over, refill and save for next time.  The good news is water does not spoil.  If you feel uneasy about refilling the bottles, buy 10 more sealed new ones for $1.

The cat is in heat again. I tell you, I feel brand new when she does this.  Thank God she will be fixed soon.

May the activist

I do not have to tell you about what has been going on in the African American community and beyond.   It is another sad story of an officer overstepping his authority, and he put his own agenda over the person who he was arresting.  The man died, and it took the officer’s superior and department a day after George Floyd died to arrest the officer. At first, it was going to be just a firing. People started peacefully protesting, then it got out of hand from there. They are even protesting in my city. I found out that it is only an arrest for 3rd-degree murder.  If it had been the opposite, George Floyd would have been charged for 1^st-degree murder.  The officer needs to be charged for 1^st-degree murder.

I have or will have mentioned this in my last post, but I am tired. My people are tired.  When you see a photo of a tired person, it is of an African-American.  We have been down this road oh so many times until we cannot count anymore.  We do not have to be doing anything but going about our day, just living in the moment.  What do I mean by that? Let see:

·         Going to work

·         Sitting in the back yard

·         Going to the mailbox

·         Talking to a neighbor

·         Getting something to eat

·         Sleeping in our own home

·         Walking the dog

·         Going to the store for some skittles (remember Treyvon Martin)

·         Having an outing in the park

·          Add sitting in a car or having anything to do with a car (Sandra Bland and now George Floyd)

·         Enjoying a night of fellowshipping (the 9 that were killed in a North Carolina Church during bible study)

·         Jogging (Ahmad Avery)

I have a whole list of things that we want to do without some white person getting upset, calling the police, and wasting taxpayers money, and putting in false reports, or becoming a vigilante and take matters into your own hands.

This started well before these incidents.  There was:

·         The 1960s

·         Jim Crow

·         Sharecropping

·         Slavery

To name a few.  When will it end?

Now, I am not saying that all white people are racist.  I have some good, decent white friends who have my back.  Not all black people are cheaters and anything else that we are being accused of. I do not want to spend any more time on this than I have to.  I have started back my YouTube channel (I took a break from it), and I have addressed it there.

So, May was not a good month for me.  I want a do-over, but, I would then ask for a do over for a lot of months and years, including the months where I almost took my life, the times I did not get the job I wanted, the times I ran completely out of money and had to depend on my parents, and the times where I wished I was taking care of someone other than myself, only to find out that in one big swoop that ability was taken away from me.

Those disappointments were replaced and filled with great big moments of joy, happiness, “Yay, I got the job”, “yay, I have enough money to go on that trip or to buy something I really wanted”, and “yay, I am going to be an aunt and niece (or nephew), aunty is going to spoil you like nothing else matters, but I am also going to teach you something.  I cannot wait until the newest Logan is old enough for me to give her the same treatment that I gave her cousins, uncle, and father have gotten before her. Aww, heck, she gets it now.  I am trying to think of an outfit that will make my 3-month old niece look fly. (Oh, do they still say that?  Let me know in the comments section). 

It is times like these that keep a person on their toes and to remind us that everything is not always going to go our way.  I am trying different techniques like journaling, meditating, exercising, and being kind to myself and others.  Yes, these are angry times, and for that, I try not to watch too much news, pray about a situation, and try to take a positive approach, which includes trying to ignore the tyrant in the white house.  It is hard when your race has once again become the subject of white people acting ugly and black people responding ugly.  Find your happiness or calmness in the midst of this storm of illness and protests.  You will be surprised how much better you will feel.

Until then, I pray that June will be the start of something better for all of us.

Motivational Monday: Self Doubt

As usual, from my Facebook status (I am starting to have a lot these days): “This is a retweet I shared about two years ago. I still feel the same as this person. I was raised to believe this and I will always carry this even I am about to draw my last breath. I also going through a period of uncertainty that reaches even before what happened over the weekend with Longaberger.

As a person, I am willing to stand by this company, but I need to be honest, I am not sure how long I am willing to do this. My first priority as an Independent Home Consultant is to take care of customer's needs. I hope the owners of this company know that. It is not what keeps them coming? New products can wait. If you cannot serve the general public with your service of provision, then maybe you should close your door for good. Yes, I am angry, and I am hurt. I may not have had many sales over the past few months with you and the reason was quite simple, I was dealing with self-doubt.

I had self-doubt in my abilities as both a consultant with a once upon a time billion dollar company and as a stationery/graphic designer/writer/crafter, trying to build a company from scratch. Why did I self-doubt? Simple, no sales, and no money to do promotions. I thought that by promoting on social media (especially my FB page) would get me sale from both Longaberger and my company, P. Lynne Designs. There were periods where I would just stare into the screen and wonder why am I doing this? I would hear the voice of God saying, "You got this", but I was not hearing it. Even when I did two projects last year for Judith Sharpe and Tiffany Thomas (which I still thank you both for believing in me), the doubt was still there. I still did not try hard enough to get the work I needed.

Two months ago, I made a decision to really get in there and push. That was when I accepted a scrapbook project from Pat Meadows that I can truly feel proud of (not that I was not proud of the other two projects from last year. I am finding my self-worth again, which is my long-winded speech of saying, self-doubt is a mood killer, a dream killer, and the devil's advocate. Do not give in.

One last thing: To all independent consultants, rather you are with Longaberger or with some other direct selling company, I decided back in 2010 to have another source of income. take those skills that you gained with the company, and use them to your advantage and have backup income. I am not saying leave direct selling, but have a secondary income, even if you have a spouse or partner. Like so many companies before Longaberger, you were told everything is fine, and then one day, you cannot contact the call center. I believe that Longaberger will return in one form or another, but now is the time to come up with a backup system. I can now understand why consultants ask to join another company. That is not what I am talking about. Use your skills as a consultant to maybe teach a class. having home parties have taught you to not be afraid of audiences. This is one example, and I am reposting this on my blog.

Never self-doubt your skills or your abilities to help others.”

It is pretty self-explanatory, this post.  It sums what I have been going through in the past few months, including why I have not been posting on a regular basis for both my blog and vlogging channel.  It comes from a quote from Twitter that I reposted in 2016 (my Facebook and Twitter accounts are linked):

Retweeted Melanie※ (@SimplyShayXO):

#ThereIsAlwaysRoomInMyLifeFor God. Even though the darkest time of my life, even when I pushed Him away, He was there. He is always there.

It is the post I just wrote that I want to focus on.  To give you a backstory, this is what transpired ever the weekend (without giving out company info because I still stand behind this company for their products):  I was told, along with other consultants and leaders to not put in any orders until further notice.  You can read into it however you want, I am not spilling tea yet until they officially declare bankruptcy, or I can go back to submitting orders for myself or other customers. You can get angry at other people without hurting the relationship, and at the moment, I am angry at owners of Longaberger.  Please note that I am also angry for and at the former owners of Longaberger. The reason:  for softening the blow of what was really going on with the company and why shield it from the sales force and the employees?  I am going to leave that question right there because the same thing was going on with Toys R Us, Sears (I was let go from two stores because I was in the dark of problems stemming from that fiasco), even my most recent former employer, Archivers. 

Most people blame Amazon and Walmart for their company’s problems, but I smell an even bigger problem, which is why I choose to stay out of company politics, but when you are messing with my money, my livelihood, you need to speak directly to me.  Longaberger owners JRJR Enterprises was not speaking to the sales force loud enough, long enough, and early enough to say there were problems.   Actually, I take that back.  I did receive an email, stating for everyone to increase their sales, but they did not say why.  I thought it was them encouraging you to increase sales, like a normal motivational talk, not a “we are losing sales” talk.

So back to the whole reason for this post.

I was thinking about my reason behind the post on Facebook, other than this post resurfaced (which is a good thing), and I was in that funky feeling.  It was the kind of feeling that you were happy but not that happy.  That is one thing that Facebook is famous for, to remind you of your post.  I am the type of person who posts what I have to say on social media and leave it at that.  A post.  Like others, I do post what makes me angry, but I have calmed down my anger over the past few months, since some people pay attention to it, and sometimes they do not.  I do not post to get a reaction anymore.  If it is inspirational I make it a point to have my Facebook friends (and Twitter and Linked-in friends since the accounts are linked) to read it.  I want to make sure that you know where I am coming from, and I do not like posting junk, which is the reason behind me not posting when I get a high score on a game.  I want people to learn and be inspired by my experience.

I want you to feel loved.

I want to solve the problem that you are having.  That is the whole reason behind P. Lynne Designs, my stationery/scrapbook company.  Let me give some examples:

• You want to capture that moment when you first went to Barbados.  You decide to go on a cruise and you decide to take a lot of pictures.  Now, you may not think that a scrapbook album is an answer to everything memorable, but it is.  You can put in more than photos.  How about that ticket stub to a benefit concert put on by Rihanna, who happened to be visiting her mom, and it was for a neighboring school that she attended when she was a child.  Or the first time you tried rum punch. How about on the Lido deck? The program from that concert? 
• You need flyers for an event
• You need an article about the on-going effects of global warming or how to make canvas wall art.
• You need wall art.

Yes, this is how I give of my talent, but I cannot give if I am constantly doubting if the client is going to love it or not.  I need to trust my instincts more.  I love the way I see things, which is with an open-mind that says that the world is more than one way.  So far, my clients have loved my work.  I get results. 

This also brings me back to you, and my takeaway from this post. 

What is your talent?  You do not have to be a good artist, singer, dancer, or speaker.  Listening can be a talent.  Listening with the intent of offering good advice can be a talent.  Chad Raider, Youtuber from GabeBabeTV is a known baby whisperer.  Every time a baby is near him, they calm down, which has worked so far on the newest member of their own family, Reagan Elizabeth.  Know this, if people turn to you because you can make the best Mac and Cheese that can beat a 100-year-old recipe, that’s talent.  If someone says that you can light up a room with your smile, that’s talent.  Talent does not always be a physical thing.  It is your mood, your attitude, your very presence.  In other words, confidence can be a talent as well.  Being modest without being overbearing is a talent.  Patience is a talent.  Find that talent, and never self-doubt it.