Are things tumultuous or calm right now in your life? Why do you think the energy is balanced this way?

Calm or tumultuous?
(c) 2015 p.Lynne Designs

I am not starting my March writings in the right way.  I wanted to welcome you in the only way I could, which is to have a big flashy sign that read, “Welcome to March”.  But instead, you go this writing prompt, LOL.

Ok, enough, I am in a silly mood. Welcome to March, and at BlogHer, my favorite place to find writing prompts when the mind is stuck.  This month’s theme is about “Energy”.  Tuesday’s topic has asked me if things in my life are “Tumultuous” or “Calm”?  The second part is why do I think it is that way.

At first, I had to think about that word, “tumultuous”, but it is a word that I personally do not use in my vocabulary (I need more big words in my life).  It simply means, “crazy”, “chaos”, or “screwy”.  I can say this my life is not calm.  I wish it was.  I wish my life right now is at a place where I am not up at 4:30 am writing posts because I cannot sleep.  My mind is racing, and thinking.  Here is the reason why I feel that way (that is the second part of this question)

I am have tossed myself in many directions in the past 4 years.  I have been questioning things like my faith, my life, my business, and my finances.  I have been questioning other things such as “How did I get to 50 so fast?”  “Why don’t I have a house by now?” “Why am I delaying adoption (now turned into foster care)?  “What up with my creativity lately?” “What am I afraid of when it comes to finding the right man in my life to date and marry?”  These are all the questions I have of myself.  I feel like people such as friends and family are passing me by.  I know what I want in life, but sometimes I am so confused.  I do want to succeed. 

I want to be that mom to a child whose birth mom abandoned.  Not necessary a pre-teen or a teen.  I know, I can hear people now asking me, “why not an older child?”  one of my aunts at Thanksgiving asked me that question.  I never got a chance to have a child in the formative years, and I just want to be able to teach this kid, not that I cannot teach an older child.  It is just that an older child has been trained to think a certain way, and any damage done to the child is hard to undo.  I have watched my foster sister go through that.  She was 6 when she came into my family’s lives, and I can say that she is a damaged person at 27 with 2 kids.  I try to help when I can. So do my parents, who she still calls mom and dad.

I want to be the best for God.  That means help others when I can and understanding what He wants from me, which is to obey what his word says in the bible.  He wants me to be happy.  He wants us all who believe to be happy.  I feel like sometimes I have overwhelmed myself, and that is when I have to step back a minute.  I have business, family, church, and my own person life to deal with, so my life is full, but not full enough.  I have room for other people (such as a baby and a mate) (Ohh, mate sound so Klingon-ish like). 

Yes, my life at the moment is not calm, and I doubt in the next 20 or so years it will be (especially if I am going to be 71 by the time this kid graduates).  And if any wants to know, yes I am asking for a child between 0-12 years of age.  I have my options since I am dealing with nephews and a niece ages 1,5, 7, 8, and 20.

Vlogging it 2.0

I realize that life has given me so many battles during the past few weeks, until I did not want nor had the strength to post anything much.  This is what happens what happens when you are overwhelmed by the stench of what is known as grief for someone or something, financial woes, and just feeling sorry for yourself.  The very idea of sharing my life with people is still new to me, as I am a known introvert.  When something happens in my life, rather it is through my own doing, or something happening in someone else’s life to the point where it affects you, it will affect you hard, depended on what type of person you are.

To that end, this past month, I have projects that I did not get to because of the events of July, August and September, rather good or bad.  I have lost three months out of my life, which could have been productive, but due to me being too busy to stop, or my own sadness during these events, I am playing catch-up.  It is a good thing that none of it had due dates, except from me.  No clients were involved.   But were they?

In a way they were, but they were what I like to call invisible clients.  They were people, who happened to wander into my Etsy shop, and saw 5 notebooks for sale day in and day out.  I did not make any new cards to sell, nor scrapbooks, so I left my shop as is.  Making new products was one way to get new clients, who have not heard about you into your shop, rather it is online or brick and mortar.  They were people, who could have been looking for a new writer to create a document for them, their blog or website, or their business.  The document, post, or even a printable could have been just the thing to put their services over the top.  These were the people, who could have sent me that contract, which could have been of something big for me, but I was so into the stuff that brought me down, until I wonder if I have missed my blessing.   Let me tell you why that was not necessarily a bad thing…

I had friends who needed someone to reach out to them, and to say, “I’m here for you”.  I had things that I needed to take care of, but I was so busy trying to make my businesses work, until I felt drained and overwhelmed with the business and other personal situations.  I had a God who said to me, “you need to rest”, but I fail to see that I needed all of this, because I was going too long without it.  I was not focus on Him, but I was focus on stuff, to which, my friend is not good. 

The things I am saying to you, as a Christian woman, what good is it to accumulate all this stuff, if:

A)   You are not blessing someone in the process, and

B)    You cannot take it with you.

Sure, we need to eat, we need to interact, and we need to pay for all of this stuff.  So, I am glad I did not catch up with all the things I did not take care of in the product making business. This rest gave me a chance to make some changes, some that I will share here, while others I will share on my other blogs, because they fit the subjects I have on them.  I will not share them in this post.    I will share this:  I am vlogging again.  I have computer with a webcam and I am looking into getting a tripod for my regular camera and smartphone for tutorials.  When I bought my Sony Camera for my birthday, they gave me a mini tripod, which is not the friendliest tripod in the world (I have seen better brands), but it will do for right now.   I asked a YouTubber named Gabrielle Flowers Raider of Gabe and Babe TV and The Gabe Fix in her Google Hangout last night if she had any pointers for my channel, and she said to Be Consistent.  Start with once a week, and see how that goes.  So I have already made one new video before I asked her that question, so I will put up another one next week.

Anyway, I have ran over my time, so I will also be constant with my next blog post as well.