|Calm or tumultuous?|
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I am not starting my March writings in the right way. I wanted to welcome you in the only way I could, which is to have a big flashy sign that read, “Welcome to March”. But instead, you go this writing prompt, LOL.
Ok, enough, I am in a silly mood. Welcome to March, and at BlogHer, my favorite place to find writing prompts when the mind is stuck. This month’s theme is about “Energy”. Tuesday’s topic has asked me if things in my life are “Tumultuous” or “Calm”? The second part is why do I think it is that way.
At first, I had to think about that word, “tumultuous”, but it is a word that I personally do not use in my vocabulary (I need more big words in my life). It simply means, “crazy”, “chaos”, or “screwy”. I can say this my life is not calm. I wish it was. I wish my life right now is at a place where I am not up at 4:30 am writing posts because I cannot sleep. My mind is racing, and thinking. Here is the reason why I feel that way (that is the second part of this question)
I am have tossed myself in many directions in the past 4 years. I have been questioning things like my faith, my life, my business, and my finances. I have been questioning other things such as “How did I get to 50 so fast?” “Why don’t I have a house by now?” “Why am I delaying adoption (now turned into foster care)? “What up with my creativity lately?” “What am I afraid of when it comes to finding the right man in my life to date and marry?” These are all the questions I have of myself. I feel like people such as friends and family are passing me by. I know what I want in life, but sometimes I am so confused. I do want to succeed.
I want to be that mom to a child whose birth mom abandoned. Not necessary a pre-teen or a teen. I know, I can hear people now asking me, “why not an older child?” one of my aunts at Thanksgiving asked me that question. I never got a chance to have a child in the formative years, and I just want to be able to teach this kid, not that I cannot teach an older child. It is just that an older child has been trained to think a certain way, and any damage done to the child is hard to undo. I have watched my foster sister go through that. She was 6 when she came into my family’s lives, and I can say that she is a damaged person at 27 with 2 kids. I try to help when I can. So do my parents, who she still calls mom and dad.
I want to be the best for God. That means help others when I can and understanding what He wants from me, which is to obey what his word says in the bible. He wants me to be happy. He wants us all who believe to be happy. I feel like sometimes I have overwhelmed myself, and that is when I have to step back a minute. I have business, family, church, and my own person life to deal with, so my life is full, but not full enough. I have room for other people (such as a baby and a mate) (Ohh, mate sound so Klingon-ish like).
Yes, my life at the moment is not calm, and I doubt in the next 20 or so years it will be (especially if I am going to be 71 by the time this kid graduates). And if any wants to know, yes I am asking for a child between 0-12 years of age. I have my options since I am dealing with nephews and a niece ages 1,5, 7, 8, and 20.