I know you mean well, but don’t – Advice gone wrong

Photo by P. Lynne Designs
(c) 2016 

I have been given much friendly advice, such as “look before crossing the street”, “Always say please and thank you”, and my personal favorite, “do not speak unless being spoken to” if there is an “A” and “B” conversation.  It has made things easier for me in life, and in the case of the “Do not speak unless being spoken to”, it has allowed me from being popped in the mouth on many occasions. 

The examples I have given you were given to me in my youth by my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and assorted older adults, and I wish that today’s generation would take it to heart.  Often times, today’s generation tends to take on this, “I know more than you” or “You are behind the times, so get with it” attitude, until I have no words for it.

Advice, when given correctly, can be very helpful, but be very careful of the words that come out of your mouth, because advice, when given incorrectly, can also be very hurtful.

I am sure by now, if you are on social media, have seen the story of a Florida man. who went into a St. Augustine, Florida Starbucks to get coffee.   If you do not know, view the video here.   Basically put, he ordered a Grand White Mocha coffee.  This is my favorite go to coffee flavor at Starbucks.  I usually order a tall, white Chocolate Mocha with soy and very little whip.  It gives me the fix I need (chocolate, caffeine, love).  Anyway, when he received the coffee, the note on the receipt said, “Diabetics Here I Come”.  The man was not very happy with it at all.  He said that it reminded him of his two sisters, who had been suffering since the 2^nd and 3rd grades.

He immediately returned it with a note saying, “My 2 sisters suffer from diabetics, not funny.”  Advice gone wrong. 

First off, the barista is there to do one job, and one job only; take orders, and serve the orders. They have gone beyond the basic customer service, and Starbucks did not hire them to be health consultants.  Even if they are studying to be a health practitioner (which I hope they are), it is not their job to be the health police at Starbucks.   Customers do not come in to be babysat on.  They come to relax in the moment.

Second, when you give advice like that, it comes off rude.  That barista may have been health conscious, but then I have to question the reason why they are working there in the first place when a health food store or restaurant would be more suited for them.  You do not know how a person will take the advice, nor what the situation is like in their life. 

Third, the customer could have taken this advice in one of two ways; he could have talked to the manager or to the barista serving the coffee, instead of writing the note.   Obviously, he notified the news after he wrote the note, or Starbucks headquarters would not have commented on the story in the first place.  Sometimes, the media is not the best place to air disagreements.  One thing to note:  The customer could have also thanked the barista for the reminder, and gone about his day.  There are more ways of solving this then using the note method.  Some good and some bad.

Overall, the advice I would give this barista:  Don’t.  Starbucks is not made for that kind of conversation.  You can talk when you get home, about the guy who was one step away from a diabetic coma with your friends and co-workers.  Come in tomorrow with your head held high, and ready to take in the next customer, who in your eyes, is one step away from a diabetic coma, or quit, and work for a health food store or restaurant.  Let customers worry about their own health.  That is what they pay doctors, nurses, and other health people for.  You never know, the customer you sold that coffee to may come in every 6 months for a treat, and that day was your lucky day. 

This is a lesson all of us could use.  I love this line from Disney’s Bambi: “If you cannot say nothing nice, don’t say it at all.”  May I add, “That includes giving advice.” 

…Love, February

Photo by God's Unspoken Ministries

The year started with a wonderful January.   I started over some things that I wanted to do last year, but never have the motivation to do it.  Have you ever felt like that before?  Your intentions were good, but then you get sidetracked, and the interruptions get in the way. 

About the middle of January came the “Ice Age.”  If you have ever lived in the upper middle part of the United States, the cold snap usually begins at the Colorado border, goes upwards to the “Dakotas,” hitting every state along the way, shoots across towards Michigan, and ends up in Maine.  Not this year.  It started around Utah, and then without warning, that cold snap, which really wasn’t a cold snap at all, more like what happens when Antarctica takes over, shoots across the rest of the country, like a speeding bullet.  It attacked every state, except California, Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico, and the lower half of Florida.  There were states, like my state of Ohio, who was kind of used to it, while states like Georgia were so scared, people left their cars on the freeways, and started walking home without them.  Schools in Texas closed at 39°, while the schools closed here in Columbus when the temp hit a -1° or lower.  Even then, the biggest school districts were sometimes afraid of closing.  My lights went out one time.  I also had the heater on all night, which was a first for me.

It is now February 1^st, and love is in the air.  I have told you about the heartaches I have had when finding a man and sometimes being blissfully single is not all it is cracked up to be.  This February, I am not going to dwell on that. Black (Or African American) history is this month.  There are so many things that African Americans have created that we use today, but it seems to me, there was either a half of a credit for that invention, or no credit at all.  I am not saying people need to take back what was said, just give credit where credit is due.

What hurts me the most, is when people do not believe in what another person can give to a situation.  That is in all races, not just the African American race, but all.  Parents want their children to do EXACTLY what they say do with their career and life.  Men want women to do the same.  People have a preconceive notion that what they say goes.  They do not want to hear what the other person has to say.  They do not want to hear that there are more ways today to do something, then back in the last century.  It is “my way or the highway.”  As long as you are willing to work 40 hours a week for 40 years, and in return get 40% of what you earned during those 40 years, that is the only way you are going to retire.  Period.  What they do not realize, is people today are not willing to work 40 hours for 40 years at a company who could give a living crap about you.  There are other ways to work. What they also do not realize is that you are living for you, not them, and that is what makes it so hard for them to let go.  So, they have to keep telling you what to do, when to do it, and how to do it.  That is very sad to me, and I do not know why they do it.  

The problem is races have been doing it for years, spouses have been doing it for years, and parents have been doing it for years.   I said, “Stop it and live for you, and do not worry about what I or the other person is doing.”  “Let me live my life, and if you want to help, fine, help is greatly appreciated, but if you don’t want to help, there are other ways for people to find that help if they know where to look.”  This also goes for the person who depends on that help as well.  There are two kinds of dependency in an adult life, and I do not like neither one.

So this is my Love, February statement, and I would say it again, again, and again.  Be a blessing by giving advice, listening to what the other person has to say, and excepting any solution to end the situation.   That is the best help you can give.